In September, we observe National Recovery Month to promote and support new evidence-based modalities and practices for treating substance use disorders. We also celebrate all individuals in recovery as well as the service providers, support persons and all others who make recovery possible.
Jaime Pietrosimone, Community Liaison at High Focus Centers, shares her story of healing from generational trauma and coming out on the other side of addiction to help others recover and live a life full of sober fun.
Walk us through your addiction recovery journey
Looking back, I recognize that my childhood experiences influenced my propensity for substances. My trauma manifested itself into this great trifecta of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and low self-worth, making my head a loud and unsettling place to be. When I was 14, I discovered substances and their ability to shut my brain off or at least quiet the anxiety and noise in my head. I started using marijuana and it escalated from there.
I suffered all the consequences of addiction, except death, although I came close several times. My head, which was once very noisy, was simply dark. My actions didn’t align with the values with which I was raised. One weekend, when I was 31, I had what I believe was a divine intervention. While drinking, I realized if I didn’t stop what I was doing, I was going to die. So, I reached out to my father. He’s always been a haven and my go-to person when I need help. He’d heard me say I needed help many times before, but this time, I was truly tired of it all. I no longer had the energy to beg, or steal, or lie. The fear of staying the same finally became more significant than the fear of making a change.
My pathway to recovery involved AA and NA. I did the 12 steps and got a sponsor. However, as a recovery coach, I am open to all pathways of recovery, including harm reduction and medication-assisted treatment. I support whatever someone needs to do to stay clean and avoid using their substance of choice.
The last stop before my journey towards recovery was a treatment center in CT. The day I got out, I went to my first meeting, just as suggested while in treatment. My dad drove me since, at the time, I didn’t have a license due to choices in active addiction, although there were times I took public transportation as well. At the meeting, I just listened and took suggestions. Staying connected and having people hold you accountable in recovery is crucial. It’s so important to find a good group of people and keep doing the next right thing.
What made you decide to work in the substance abuse recovery field?
I’ve been in the recovery field for almost nine years. It started when somebody I’d met in treatment reached out to me to tell me they were looking for support staff at a new women’s residential program in New Haven. I went for it and got the job. I loved it. From direct care, I moved into admissions and then community outreach. I was still in the process of getting my undergrad at the time, so everything that I was doing was solely based on my experience in recovery. I was trying to be my most authentic self while still figuring out who that was.
I believe in the work I’m doing. I’ve witnessed the transformation firsthand as people begin to believe in themselves and trust themselves again. It’s beautiful to see those “aha” moments. Of course, there are also times when it doesn’t work out, but at least you can say you gave it your all and provided hope to individuals and their families when they needed it most. I’ve worked with families whose children kept leaving treatment repeatedly, and we didn’t give up on them. Their families didn’t give up on them. And they’re sober today. We need to treat people like people, not like addicts.
Today, I’m in school to become a marriage and family therapist. My goal is to work with families who struggle with substance use and mental health. I feel like this is a part of my purpose. It’s important for people to heal, individually and collectively, and more importantly, they deserve it.
Who was most helpful to you in recovery?
Overall, my family has been supportive. My first sponsor played a significant role in my recovery. She opened my eyes to many harmful behaviors. Getting clean is an accomplishment, but then you have to face all the behaviors that brought you to use in the first place. She was able to call me out and put my ego in check, which helped shift my perspective, especially when it came to relationships with family or significant others.
All the women and men I’ve met in recovery have been helpful and inspiring. They have helped keep me humble, grounded, and accountable. They’ve taught me how to trust others and myself.
What advice or wisdom would you share with people who are in early recovery right now or who are still struggling?
Take it one day at a time—one moment at a time, if you must. Isolation is not your friend. Reach out to others, even if it’s one other person. You’re going to be uncomfortable throughout this process, but if you’re here and still breathing, there’s hope. Even if you have a slip, all the work put in prior is not lost. It’s an opportunity to see what can be done differently. Just keep going.
When did you realize that you were affected by childhood trauma?
When I was a child, I didn’t know that what I was experiencing was traumatic, or at least I did not understand the extent of the trauma until I started doing step work and going to therapy. I could go through all the saddening details, but at the end of the day, I think my caretakers were doing their best with their skills. All their unresolved trauma was passed along to the next generation (me!), and I coped in my way, which included using substances and seeking unhealthy relationships.
When I got sober, and especially once I started school to become a therapist, I understood more and more how attachment styles and early childhood trauma can shape the way I interact with people and see the world. Throughout this process, I’ve been able to change my reaction toward family members, helping me improve relationships, create a different narrative for myself and break the cycle.
I’m grateful for my experience with addiction and especially since I came out on the other side. I genuinely believe that if I hadn’t gone through what I went through, I would have never healed from the generational trauma and broken those patterns.
For individuals with a history of trauma, does forgiveness help with recovery?
Resentment leads to relapse. In my experience, holding grudges and blaming others for your behavior can hurt recovery. To move forward as an adult, you must let go and accept the past for what it is. Step work involves radical acceptance, owning your part in situations and forgiving others regardless of their reaction. Working through it and getting to that point of forgiveness looks different for everyone. For instance, it might mean that an individual isn’t able to have a relationship with that family member, or they might be able to have a relationship with them as long as certain boundaries are in place.
Share a little-known fact about yourself
I’m an open book in real life and on my personal social media. However, one thing people might not know about me is that when I was a freshman in college, I wanted to be a radio jockey. Music is a great connector and a passion of mine and being on the radio was always something I’d love to do.
What do you like to do in your free time?
Since I’ve gotten sober, concerts have become my thing. My daughter and I go to shows together. We went to the Governor Ball together and traveled to Kentucky and Alabama for shows. Music is important to me.
I also go to the gym consistently. Working out has become such an instrumental part of my recovery process. About a week after I got out of my last treatment center, I started working out and I haven’t stopped since. In the beginning, it was more about aesthetics. I wanted to look good! But the impact working out has on my mental health is significant. It’s a natural high and helps me set the tone for the day. Exercising has helped me trust my own body again, feel empowered and deal with my anxiety.
What are some fun activities to do sober?
My friends and I like to go to comedy shows. Since it’s summer, there are lots of pool and beach days. And food. We love to go out to eat and try new places.
At least once a month, we like to do a “mom’s night out” and go dancing. This means we’re going places where there’s music and drinking, but we’re all at a solid place in our recovery journeys where we’re able to do that and know we’re better off not drinking.
I’m a big “yes” person as long as the vibes are good.
